Spanish Village Cashes In, Bringing Back Peseta

In Salvaterra, on the border between Spain and Portugal, the peseta has been resurrected. For a limited period only, restaurants, taxi drivers, pharmacies and about 50 other businesses have been accepting payments in the old Spanish currency.

Labour Question Coulson 'Payments'

Reports say Andy Coulson was paid by News International while he worked for the Conservatives.

London Olympics 2012 - Events Schedule Updates

London (Stratford) will be hosting the Olympic Games in 2012.

You may not know is that many of the famous events, which go to make up this spectacular event, are to be especially altered for 2012. A copy of these changes has been leaked, and is reproduced below:

OPENING CEREMONY
The flame will be ignited by a petrol bomb thrown by a native of the area in the traditional dress of balaclava and shell suit. The flame will be contained in a large overturned police van situated on the roof of the stadium.

THE EVENTS
In previous Olympic Games, East London’s competitors have lnot been particularly successful. In order to redress the balance, some of the events have been altered slightly to the advantage of local athletes.

100 METRES SPRINT
Competitors will have to hold a DVD player and microwave oven (one in each arm) and on the sound of the starting pistol, a police dog will be released from a cage 10 yards behind the athletes.

110 METRES HURDLES
As above but with added obstacles (I.e. Car bonnets, hedges, garden fences, walls etc)

HAMMER
Competitors in this event may choose the type of hammer they wish to use (claw, sledge etc) the winner will be the one who can cause the most physical damage within three attempts.

FENCING
Entrants will be asked to dispose of as many stolen goods as possible in 5 minutes.

SHOOTING
A strong challenge is expected from local men in this event. The first target will be a moving police van. In the second round, competitors will aim at a post office clerk, bank teller or Securicor-style wages deliveryman. The traditional .22 rifle has been replaced in this event by a choice of either a Browning automatic handgun or sawn-off 12-bore shotgun.

BOXING
Entry to the boxing will be restricted to husband and wife teams, and will take place on a Friday night. The husband will be given 15 pints of lager while the wife will be told not to make him any tea when he gets home. The bout will then commence.

CYCLING TIME TRIALS
Competitors will be asked to break into the University bike shed and take an expensive mountain bike owned by some mummy’s boy on his first trip away from home. All against the clock.

CYCLING PURSUIT
As above, but the bike will be owned by a visiting member of the Australian rugby team, who will witness the theft.

MODERN PENTATHLON
Amended to include mugging, breaking and entering, flashing, joyriding and arson.

SWIMMING EVENTS
All waterways are currently being tested for toxicity levels, once one is found that can support human life, swimming events will be organised, please note that the Synchronised Swimming event for this year will comprise of dropping acid and watching all the funky ripples on the pool, the specific musical support to this event will be provided by “The Verve.”

THE MARATHON
A safe route has yet to be decided.

MEN’S 50KM WALK
Unfortunately this will have to be cancelled as the police cannot guarantee the safety of anyone walking the streets of East London, especially anyone that appears to be… Mincing

THE CLOSING CEREMONY
Entertainment will include formation rave dancing by members of the Stratford Health in the Community anti-drug campaigners, synchronised rock throwing, and music by the Ilford community choir. The flame will be extinguished by police riot water cannon following the inevitable pitch invasion by confused West Ham organised hooliganism club. The stadium itself will then be boarded up before the local athletes break into it and remove all the copper piping and the central heating

Swann Focused On Win

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Sarkozy, Merkel Propose 'True Eurozone Government'

France's Nicolas Sarkozy and Germany's Angela Merkel vowed to give the eurozone bloc a "true economic government" but experts said their pledges were not enough to defuse the debt crisis.

Did Al-Qaeda Win The War On Terror

Osama bin Laden may be gone but, 10 years after the September 11 attacks, the United States is still left with his unfinished legacy. Its economy, military and justice system have been radically altered - and the Al Qaeda leader forever shattered the illusion that Americans were safe between their shores.

Croatian Biologists Fight To Save Endangered Dolphins

Fifty years ago, the former Yugoslavia encouraged dolphin culls to help protect fish stocks. The practice led to the eradication of common dolphins.

Syria's Deir Ezzor Cheers Army On Exit

Syrian troops pull out from the flashpoint protest city of Deir Ezzor after a 15-day operation to crush protests.

Mogadishu's Cathedral Gives Shelter

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Australian Collar Bomb Suspect Ordered Detained

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Rangers Aiming For Europa Final

Former Scotland goalkeeper Andy Goram says Rangers could reach the Europa League Final this season.

Sagna Happy For Arsenal Win

Arsenal defender Bacary Sagna knows his side has an uphill battle to make it into the Champions League, but he's confident.

Twitter Threats To Bannatyne Family

Police are investigating online threats made to Dragons' Den star Duncan Bannatyne about his daughter Hollie.

Aid For Famine Children

Aid parcels aimed at saving the lives of thousands of malnourished children in Africa are flown out of Britain as the United Nations warn the famine in Somalia could spread.

Mubarak On Stretcher As Murder Trial Opens

Egypt's ousted president Hosni Mubarak appears on a stretcher for the opening of his murder trial in Cairo, as his two sons stand by his side in the dock.

Gold Dust Lures Scavengers In Pakistan

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Col Millichamp - Melting

Acoustic guitarist Col Millichamp live at the Quakerhouse, Darlington.
This is Col's first public performance.
Colin said "I was nervous as anything".
We think it was an impressive début performance by the left-handed guitarist, singer and songwriter.

Col Millichamp Facebook Group

Details Of Next 'Twilight' Film

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Milestone Reached In Carrier Build

An 8,000 tonne hull section of the Royal Navy's newest aircraft carrier, HMS Queen Elizabeth, has been completed.

London Honours Norway Dead

London's Norwegian community turned out to remember the dead at St Olav's Church in Rotherhithe.

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